guy - "i'm the master of disaster."

other guy - "that's funny."

guy - "no, seriously. everything i touch turns into shit."

new guy - "dude, i just sneezed on my dick."

little girl - "stop bleeding from your head, i have things to do."

first guy - "man, next time i see her, i'm gonna...i'm just gonna...i'm gonna keep my mouth shut and think about how much i still love her."

guy - "hey, do you want to make out right now?"

girl - "but there's all these people standing around."

guy - "yeah, but they suck. we're cool."